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After an hour of sobbing, hugging and talking through our situation, we were no closer to knowing what to do. We got up, showered together and got dressed. As we sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee, it suddenly came to me.Me: Fuck, I wonder if he called my wife. He was sure mad and would be looking for revenge.Her: Maybe you should call her.Me: You’re right.After dialing the number, the call was picked up by my wife’s sister. She told me that my wife packed up and was on a flight back home.Shit shit shitHer: what's wrong?Me: my wife is on a flight back home right now.Her: He must have called her and told her everything. Now what?Me: I better head home and deal with this. I'll call you and let you know what happened.It took me a couple of hours to get home and when I arrived my brother in law's car was in the driveway. Oh shit, this was going to be nasty. The door was locked, so I used my key to enter slowly and quietly.I didn't find anyone right away but I could hear voices. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't deserve love anyway, not even love for myself. I did a horrible thing to someone else and deserve to suffer for it. Coincidentally, I've found a perfect way to do that. Sexual humiliation has become something I am rather good at taking and being used has taken over any of my previous sexual preferences.Finding the men is easy enough, especially when I tell them that I don't care who they are - something that seems mutual to most men nowadays. I don't think I've even asked their names the past few times. Thankfully, they don't mind that.Sometimes there are handsome ones who come along who seem nice enough but I prefer to blindfold them beforehand. Truth be told, I do it because I can't stand the thought of another man that I'm attracted to.
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